"A couple days ago, the ice cream machine in my school's dining hall broke. Today I walked in to find that someone had taped a Get Well Soon card to it. I signed it. MLIA."
"Today, I was in a rush so I parked in the "expectant mothers" space at the grocery store." [I didn't know there was such a thing. Must be Canadian.] "When my dad, who was in the car with me, turned to protest my parking space choice, I responded with, "Oh, you didn't know?" The look on his face was priceless. MLIA."
"Today, my friend texted me saying he was coming out of the closet... He then jumped out of my closet. MLIA."
"Today I was walking in the hallway at school while I should have been in class. My principle was quickly approaching, but hadn't seen me yet. I quickly did a somersault and hid behind a wall. When I checked to see if the coast was clear, I realized that he had disappeared. When I turned around, he was standing behind me, and said, "You're not the only ninja here," and walked away. MLIA."
"Today, while driving for my second time ever, I drifted a little too much to the right of my lane, but was still in my lane. A large SUV passed me up on the right, drifting a little too much to the left of his lane. Our mirrors just barely knocked against each other. The guy rolled down his window and exclaimed excitedly, "OUR CARS JUST HIGH FIVED!" It made my day. MLIA."
"Today, I thought I was walking alone on a street so I sang along with my iPod. A stranger appeared next to me, acting as if he was playing the guitar. We continued for a good minute until we turned our separate directions as if nothing happened. MLIA."
"Last night I woke up abruptly in the middle of the night because an owl smashed into my window. I'm waiting, Hogwarts. I'm waiting. MLIA."
"Today, I wore Axe bodyspray. I wasn't tackled by any women. MLIA."
"The other day I realized that if you say "beer can" with an English accent, you're saying "bacon" with a Jamaican accent. Consider my mind blown. MLIA."
"Today I heard some loud commotion near the lounge in my dorm. I walked around the corner to find 20 people in a giant hula hoop. When they saw me, one screamed "Get her!" and they all shuffled after me. I ducked into the laundry room to find another kid crouched there, who asked "Hiding from the hula hoop?" MLIA."
"Today, some men whistled at me when I walked down the street. I'm male. I felt pretty. MLIA."
"Today, on the bus ride home from school, I yelled "OH MY GOSH THE SUN IS ON FIRE!" Everyone looked, including the bus driver. MLIA."
One of my personal favorites: "Today, my dad asked me what was new. I responded in a serious voice, "Well, dad, you know how the last time you saw me, I was a virgin?" His face dropped and he looked ready to have a heart attack. I then continued, "Yeah, well I still am." I could never forget his face. Epic. MLIA."